My original topic was supposed to be based upon interviewing people ablut their past/present issues with Health Insurance. Being that we have studied the topic with resources such as Michael Moore's "Sicko", I felt like it could've been an interestng project. Unfortunatly, I was unable to find anyone to interview within the given time. So instead, I will talk about experiences (including my own) about what people go through after losing someone to Death.
You would genrally think that when it comes to Sickness and Death, the worst of the pain and suffering goes to the persons who are actually sick and dying. While that is very true, they aren't the only ones suffering. Their loved ones have to go through watching helplessly as an important person in their lives is pretty much going through hell.
I personally have lost multiple relatives and have gone through the process of seeing them sick and eventualy pass. My grandmother on my fathers side had cancer when I was finishing middle school. I didn't really see her too much growing up, but I did see her enough to acknowledge her as a close relative. I remember going to her house all the way out in Pennslyvania, where she had a huge 7 bedroom, split level house. I remember her being pretty much a stereotypical grandmother to me: spoling me in every way, making delicious meals, making me feel safe, warm and welcome in her house. Although I kind of reduced contact with her as I got older, she was still my grandmother, and I still loved her. My father satme down one day and told me that grandma had cancer. I didn't know what to do with this news. All I knew was that he was taking my sister and I out to Pennslyvania for the first time in years to have somewhat of a reunion with my grandmother. I was sonfused, nervous, and overall anxious to finally see my grandmother again. But when I saw her, i wasn't prepared for what I was about to see.
NOTE: In society, the happening of Death and Illness can indeed change a person emotionally and menally. It dominates your mind and can change your process of thought. Death can be thought of as the stopping of life not only for the vitim, but for the victims loved ones surronding them in their lives.
My dad, sister and I walked into the sad, blank hospital room. And on the bed, was a lady, looking very sick, who was deep in her sleep. I was shocked to discover as I got closer that this woman was indeed my grandmother. I was completly shocked. She lost a LOT of weight and had a grey complextion. When my dad lightly shook her to wake her up, it seemed to be a struggle for her to even open her eyes. My dad then motioned for me and my sister to say hi and to hug her. I honeslty felt like I was hugging a complete stranger. I didn't feel like this was my grandmother. My grandmother was always moving around, had a high, positive tone in her voice, this lady in the hospital bed just couldn't be my grandma, but she was. After a lengthy visit, my dad took me and my sister back to my grandmother's house where we would be staying the night. Just like seeing my grandmother earlier, just being in the house didn't have that same warm and safe feeling that it did years back. After getting settled and having dinner, we went to bed.
NOTE: This is showing that sickness dominates a person menatally and physically. Some sicknesses are indeed worse than others. Those that are worse, in this case cancer, completly changed my grandmother physically and I could imagine mentally too. Illness invades your body, your health, your mind and you Life.
Before we were to head back home to New York, we stopped by the hospital one last time. I was better composed this time, as I knew what to expect to see. My grandmother looked like she didn't even move an inch from the posistion she was in the day before. AFter staying there for a while watching my dad talk to his mother, we said our goodbyes and headed back home. This whole experience definitly got me to see sickness in a different way. It complelty transformed my grandmother. I hoped that this was only scary, confusing experience I was going to go through, but I was wrong.
A month or so later, my dad sat me down for a second time. I had a feeling this was about grandma, since she was the topic at our last sitdown talk. However, the news this time around was that my grandmother had passed away. WHAT??!! That was my initial reaction. I just couldn't believe it. My grandmother was no longer on this Earth with me. I just didn't know how to take it. While this was happening, my dad informed me that we would be returning to Pennslyvania to attend her funeral. Once again, I was confused and nervous before and during the second road trip back to PA. All I kept thinking about was where exactly was my grandmother. Is she in Heaven? Is she still on her way there or did she get there already? Is she ok? Can she see me and hear my thoughts? Does she know that regardless of lost contact, that I still love her? ALl this thinking killed some time and eventually made the trip seem quicker and before I knew it, we were there. We first went to my grandmother's house, where we were greeted by my dads brothers; my uncles who I also lost contact with. They went on about how big me and my sister had gotten. AFter some catching up and planning with my dad and my uncles, we were off to the funeral parlor.
We arived in this spooky, quiet funeral parlor, which to me was pretty much like a haunted house. We were greetd by an old man who I guess was the coordinator there. He escorted all o us into this small room. All I saw were chairs facing me. And with one swift turn, I was startled at what I saw. The same lady who apprently was my grandmother who I saw in a hospital bed weeks ago, was laying down in a coffin. My eyes were opened wide to the max. My mouth, dropped. I just couldn't comprehend what I was seeing. I looked around the room and saw that the rest of my family were pretty much having the same reaction as I was. When I built up enough courage, I slowly stepped up close to the coffin where my grandmother was fast asleep. I studided her blank, white face, and to me she looked as though she could open her eyes and this all could've been a joke or something (a pretty sick joke at that). But deep down, I've come to understand that this was no joke, no dream, it was very real. AFter a few days of spending practically our whole time in the parlor, seeing my grandmother's friends and loved ones come pay their respects, and going through a very emotional funeral, it was time to once again go home, only this time, I wouldn't come back to my grandmother, back to her warm safe house. This was it.
NOTE: This shows the domination of a funeral parlor and other settings that surrond itself with Death. It's almost as if Death is another world in itself. Death and Illness is the line in the sand between society/reality and this mysterious other world (Death).
The sickness and death of my grandmother was the first time I lost a relative and was aware of it. I was feeling these new feelings for the first time. I was feeling sorrow, confususion, even a little gulit. This experience, although sad, was good for me. It opened my eyes to a huge part ofLife, which is Death. It made me appreciate my life more. Every year when I ride all the way to Pennslyvania to pay respects to my grandmother's grave, I remember the whole process I went through. Even when she was sick and eventually passed away, my grandma taught me a lesson I will always hold close to me. It's that you only have one life, and that you should always make the most of it. Chase your dreas, meet as many people as you can, make your loved ones know that you indeed love them, and just LIVE your LIFE.
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